Marriage Counselling Melbourne

(Also known as Relationship Counselling, Couples Therapy)

Note: The term marriage counselling here refers to the process of helping couples in a committed relationship regardless of whether they have formalized their relationship in a legal or religious ceremony.

The relatively high levels of affluence and security enjoyed by the majority in the developed world has led to increased expectations of fulfilling and satisfying intimate relationships. Before the middle of the last century it was moral and legal authority and the security of women and children that motivated couples to stay together. It was fear that bound many couples together. People now expect to feel bound by a genuine sense of love, respect and mutual satisfaction. In the absence of ideal models from parents and grandparents there is a lack of understanding about how this is achieved and maintained. There is, therefore, an increasing demand for the expertise of marriage counsellors who have acquired specialist skills through years of professional training and experience; especially for counsellors who have gone beyond academic training and are committed to living lives of effective, intimate relationship themselves.

Marriage counselling theory and practice has benefitted enormously from the growth of interest and knowledge in psychology and psychotherapy. Couples therapy involves the application of psychotherapeutic skills to bring about positive change. As with theoretical models of individual psychotherapy, couples therapy can be broadly divided into two groups. Those which focus on behaviour, thoughts and emotions available to conscious awareness; cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is the most widely used in this category. Or, those which place emphasis on thoughts and emotions outside normal conscious awareness - that part of the mind referred to as the unconscious. The unconscious is made up of patterns established in previous relationships, going right back to childhood, and even infancy, which continue to influence interactions in the present. The forms of therapy which take unconscious processes into consideration are referred to as psychodynamic or psychoanalytic. A third group, systemic, focuses on the whole family as a system rather than on the individuals which make up the couple.

A competently eclectic therapist with knowledge and genuine experience of the various therapies will be able to assess which approaches should be adopted to achieve the best outcome for the couple. In some cases a few sessions teaching communication strategies and helping people view the situation in a different light will be all that is required to help a couple to successfully move on. If there is an obvious resistance to this happening and nothing seems to change, however rationally the proposed interventions are understood, a deeper approach involving unconscious processes is indicated. To see how the different approaches are used we can look at examples from some of the problems which present at marriage counselling.

Marriage Counselling for Conflict and Anger

Understanding the early indicators of anger and introducing strategies agreed between the couple form part of a behavioural intervention. Demonstrations of better communication skills enable conflict around topics like money, sex, family, or domestic chores to be more readily resolved. A deeper approach helps the couple work with insights into the origins of fear, insecurity and the need to be right.

Marriage Counselling for Addictions (Alcohol, gambling, pornography, etc.)

Behavioural interventions focus on managing the quit/relapse cycle, combined with psycho-educational input on the damaging effects of addiction. The partner is supported in speaking up about the impact it has on them. Deeper therapy is normally required to overcome the denial and understand the source of the painful, often unconscious emotions from which the addiction provides an escape, and to see how early childhood experiences get repeated within the marriage.

Marriage Counselling for Depression and Anxiety

A partner with a mental disorder may be getting their own psychological or medical treatment and cognitive and behavioural help will relieve the negative impact the condition is having on the relationship. Psychodynamic couples therapy can combine with individual therapy to help both people deal with the origins of personality factors which have led to anxiety and/or depression. If both are willing to work with this, the marriage may become an important means of healing.

Marriage Counselling after an Affair

If a marriage is to get beyond the hurt caused by such a significant betrayal of trust, the couple will need to learn how to manage the normal reactions, over time, of the injured party as they attempt to get life back to normal. Where there is a history of deception, lies, sexual infidelity and jealousy, other, deeper factors are at work. One party might need help in understanding the developmental issues which have led to their tolerance of abuse. The other party needs to be in touch with the emotional deficits which lead to their compulsive tendencies.

Whatever the problem, marriage and family are too important for most people to leave the outcome to chance, or to their own fumbling attempts at repair. That is where a good marriage counsellor can help.